The past few weeks have been tough. Well, actually months. I have been going through some tough stuff. I haven’t wanted to share about it because, well, I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t actually. So, I will do my best.
For a long time now I haven’t felt like myself. Almost like I am losing control of who I am. So, I talked to my Dr. and explained some of the things that have been going on. Basically he said I am dealing with some anxiety and depression. Reading those words is very hard. Hearing them is REALLY hard. Without going through a huge explanation, I will try a mental image….
You know those guys who can balance spinning plates on tall sticks? The go from stick to stick doing what they do to keep the plates from falling. I felt like that guy. The only difference I couldn’t laugh off the fact that one fell and smashed all over the place. It felt like I had failed and couldn’t do anything right…so I would just knock the rest of them down and then jump on all the broken pieces. The whole time not understanding why I was so bothered by them falling in the first place. I was on edge all the time and easily frustrated. I took it out on my kids and Brian. I wasn’t ME. I didn’t like it. So, the Dr. recommended a medication and counseling. Let me tell you…it’s been almost two months and today I can actually say I feel like ME…I can be goofy, laugh at things and I am able to stop and try to deal with the stress of things going on rather than blowing up. My counselor told me today she see’s a huge difference, and I do too. I feel like there are still things that need work, but I am hopeful that the worst is over. Today I can say that if a plate falls I cary on with the others knowing I have time to deal with it later. I feel like my normal goofy fun self is coming back….it feels good. Prayer and the Dr have been a big help.
Well there it is. I’m hoping that now my head space is getting back on track, everything else will start to get back to normal… small steps 🙂
And now back to our regularly scheduled Wednesday Program…
The weight thing has taken a bit of a back seat since I started working things out. But I am ready to get back on track with it. I have a half marathon to run in October. Time to get my butt in gear. Keeping with wanting to take small steps, my plan is to start walking on Monday and go from there. I make no promises but I’ll do my best to get this train moving again! I felt better when I worked out. I felt better when I was feeling healthy. I will feel better once I get going again. 🙂
On Monday I made some goals for the week….well, I can say that not many of them have been met…but I’ve been having fun with the kids in the evenings before bed, drinking more water, no budget or menu planned yet, but it’s coming. It’s only Wednesday…lots of week left (ugg!)
To make the middle of your week a little easier I thought I’d share a video my friend Cindy shared with me yesterday…this is totally US! We laughed a lot watching it. Enjoy!!! Can you relate?